ramblin like da river

“And it is so simple… The one thing is — love thy neighbor as thyself — that is the one thing. That is all, nothing else is needed. You will instantly find how to live.”from the Dream of a Ridiculous Man.  https://www.brainpickings.org/2014/11/11/dostoyevsky-dream/. This was the short story of dostoyevski that i had wanted to make into a one man show. i wish i had done it, but i never did it. i would hate to on my deathbed and to be having regrets about things i never did or finished. it so important to really “go for it”, to be the type of person who puts himself into things 150% in a relaxed manner, in everything. one has to be highly motivated, its part of the secret to success, success being a truly fulfilling life. some of us are just lazy or whatever. i should be practicing my guitar.

a wave of sadness just passed thru me, that u r not here to respond to this. its been raining all day, a slightly strange kind of day. i could tell u all about it, but i am afraid u might be too busy with ur own affairs…or whatever………………….…………………………………………! i was falling asleep. For me it is all very interesting, such a diversity of events, but it has tired me out. the river is all excited again. now i am seeking comfort and warmth in my bed which looks out at the raging river.

i love the sound of the guitar after it has been tuned with one of those tuning devices. and the sound of the river, so constant and true.

controlling emotions, the negative ones, perhaps it is sensations and thoughts that create emotions. thoughts can be desires. if one is detached and watches the emotions as though it were the weather, thinking its all a passing show. not identifying with the emotion, one can cultivate an unshakable equilibrium perhaps, a deep groundedness and calm. how to free oneself from the captivation of life? we are the principle actor, and the drama ripples out in every direction. imagine getting lost in a movie or a book, life is a zillion times more powerful as a captivating force. life gives us the possibility of freedom and at the same time has laid out a million different modes of entrapment, in which all of humanity stands bound. one must face a forest of spider webs. in order to invoke stillness, one might have to stop the movement of all the oceans at once. but then maybe it only takes a shift in perspective, like the turning of ur head or the opening of ur heart.

but its so perfectly natural to be very interested in all that is happening to u. we need to be satisfying our needs constantly, if we fail or are frustrated, we feel negative. if we accept this, when we feel sad or disappointed or heart broken, we have the same sadness as before, but only that, and it passes with time. and we don’t add to the pain by being attached and feeling cheated. it is a very subtle line that separates them, it seems. it could be like attuning urself to ur highest vibration, which is actually not finite and inevitably out of reach. we all have a degree of detachment or we would feel constantly frustrated. like someone who wants to do so much stuff, but just can’t.

i must be ramblin like the river below me soaking in the warmhold of the tub. the misty rain shrouding the mountain that looms above behind the wall of tall, leafy eucalyptus that lines the shore. typing on the wifi, i have the time for each new thought to soak in, which might not happen in a face to face. unless we allowed ourselves to be as deliberate as chess players or the action in a ingmar bergman film (swedish film maker of the sixties or so), which were serenely slow and poignant.

i have a tendency to take side trips as i am in no hurry to make a point. though i must remember my intention to discover some ways to truly transform anyone into the new paradigm, and for me, its unchartered territory screaming to be discovered, to go just beyond the cutting edge of what is known.

i am afraid that i might lack the wherewithal to achieve my goals, to change anything, to take it all the way or at least the next level. i like to shoot for the stars, being a sagitarius, and dream really big. is everyone wimping out?i  don’t mean to be judgmental, i just don’t see any viable solutions floating around, but i prefer to be wrong,

and maybe there are many. i am sure i could use ur help, once u r fully hatched, we could be in this tub together.

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